So, during this pandemic I decided to do something that I never really gave much thought. Now if you really know me, hold on to your hat. I decided to read the Bible. Recently I’ve been talking faith with some people in my life. As a result of my curiosity, I asked for and received a Bible for Christmas. Now, it’s no secret that I am not a religious person. I’ve come to realize that is because I dislike and have always disliked many of the teachings of the religion that I was raised with. Besides not liking many thing they said, I always felt it was based in fear. Also throw in my belief in science and I just can’t get behind some of the stories about creation and all that good stuff that happens during Genesis.
No matter what I said above, it doesn’t mean that I can’t learn more about biblical history and faith. I am finding it very interesting to learn the basis for various rituals, festivals and offerings among other things. I can’t say I understand everything that I read and many more questions arise than get answered. But it has made me more open to pursuing faith based beliefs. I must thank Rachel for putting up with all the questions I send her and doing a great job answering and encouraging me to ask more. And thanks to Jo Ann who deals with me rambling about the first thoughts that pop into my crazy brain. I always feel like if I was in a Bible class that I would get thrown out for asking a million questions and questioning things that were written in stone.
Back in college I took a wide selection of religion and philosophy courses mostly in Eastern thought. I think I was looking for something that I could really get behind and believe in. I specifically enjoyed this one professor’s courses and I often stayed after class and pestered him with my thoughts and questions which he always had time for. Then I would go to my job on campus and discuss what I learned with my supervisor. She and I had the most wonderful spiritual discussions. My professor often suggested other books and readings that I could pursue. I took every course available that Dr. Streetman taught. One day he was telling the class how he was concerned because he had a birthday approaching, it was his 50th. He told us how none of the men in his family ever lived beyond 49. Even though he was healthy and felt well he was concerned about his fate. A few weeks later, he was out, my heart sunk. He did not come back the rest of that semester and the next semester I found out that he had passed away. I never took another religion or philosophy class the rest of the time that I was in college. It did not seem fair.
After college, my father, one of the nicest, kindest and most helpful people you could ever meet, passed away at an early age. It didn’t seem fair. Many things that happened made me question what I was supposed to believe. So, I stopped feeling like I had to believe anything. I still read and I often came across articles that talked about how belief in faith was associated with health benefits and faster recovery from illness. I always found that interesting.
For example, researchers at the Mayo Clinic concluded, “Most studies have shown that religious involvement and spirituality are associated with better health outcomes, including greater longevity, coping skills, and health-related quality of life (even during terminal illness) and less anxiety, depression, and suicide. Several studies have shown that addressing the spiritual needs of the patient may enhance recovery from illness.”
I always wanted to know more but there was always so much else to be done. Fast forward many years and I somewhat regularly attended mass at a Methodist church because my partner knew the pastor. I was not keen on the idea but I went. When I stepped into the church, I did not get the same feeling of dread that I got entering Catholic church. It was different from what I was used to. I was still skeptical but overall the people were nice and we even had lunch with Pastor Jessica several times before she got transferred. I can’t say I ever felt totally at ease but it wasn’t as horrible as I made it in my mind. I enjoyed the sermons and didn’t feel that was as negative as what I remembered.
In the midst of this pandemic I really don’t go anywhere. Besides the pandemic, I am sole caretaker for my 90+ year old mother so a majority of the time I can not leave the house even if I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t have much free time but there is time that I can sit and read and learn for 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there and this has given me purpose. Learning is one of my great pleasures. I still read my mindless mysteries or sci-fi, watch some tv, create and play with the dogs but I am enjoying these studies.
I am currently just finishing up Leviticus but so many sections talk about how God says do this and if you don’t you will die. If you touch this you will die. If you believe that you will die. But if you do all that I say and worship me exactly as I say then your life will be good but if not, I will allow your enemies to overtake you, I will allow horrible disease to infect you and you will die. I paraphrase of course. So how exactly does this inspire people to feel good?
Don’t get me wrong, many things that I read are interesting, enjoyable and thought provoking. I am not only reading but following by listening to The Bible in a Year podcast, which is Catholic based. I am finding it interesting to see the differences between the Bible that I am reading and the Catholic Bible that is used in the podcast. All the translations fascinate me. I am also using the You Bible app on my phone and following some of the plans that they have outlined for things like anxiety, stress and insomnia (I have all three). Some of these talks do inspire and others are not something I can get behind. I am looking forward to continuing this avenue of study, reading the Bible from cover to cover this year and hopefully discovering and developing my own faith in the process.